Your mind can’t go more than 11 seconds without chattering! This constant Self Talk is hypnotic, having very real, very pervasive impact on your moods, your sense of worth, and your communications with others. Start listening to your own Self Talk; see if you hear any of the following:

ASSUMING: We assume the worst without testing the evidence.
“Even though I’m prepared, I’m going to mess up.” You see a scowl on your boss’s face and your thoughts are confirmed: you messed up and your Boss is angry. You become depressed, convinced that regardless of how hard you prepare, you’ll never succeed. You never asked your boss why he was scowling. Perhaps, the sun was in his eyes.

SHOULDS (Musts/Oughts): Demands we make of ourselves.
“I should have known better”; or “I should be happy.” We assume we motivate ourselves with such statements. Usually, however, we just feel worse (e.g., since I should be (happy, smart, sexy) and I’m not feeling that way, I must be inadequate, frustrated, ashamed and helpless.)

THE FAIRY TALE FANTASY:
“That’s not fair!” or “Why did that have to happen?” These little self-talk fantasies are actually exalted should’s – higher ideals the world fails at. To expect the world, or others, to be different, is to invite frequent disappointment and more demoralizing self-talk.

ALL or NOTHING THINKING:
“Anything below an ‘A’ is a disaster.” This self talk again doesn’t motivate, it creates frequent failures. Nobody’s perfect.

OVERGENERALIZING:
“I always ruin everything” or “I just can’t be tactful when tact is needed.” We wallow in our short-comings; we get so muddy we can’t see the good of a mistake.

LABELING:
“I’m so boring”, “I can’t cook anything right”, or “I’m so uncoordinated.” Always? This is self talk aimed at the self instead of the occurrence of an undesirable behavior. Some of us self-talk ourselves into believing labels mean something, have weight or truth.

DWELLING ON THE NEGATIVE:
“How can I enjoy my weekend when I always have to pick up after my kids?” or “How can I possibly feel good about myself when I’m so overweight?” We press ourselves into inadequacy when we believe our own self talk. We exclude positive affirmations in this way; our internal dialogue just keeps rerunning the same negative thoughts.

REJECTING THE POSITIVE:
Following a compliment, you say “Oh, it was really nothing. Anyone could do it.” Did you just discount the facts? Didn’t you work hard and long hours at achieve a good result? Your self-talk may well be saying the same, or you may be fighting it, trying to silence it. Self-proclaimed inadequacies, even in the face of positive affirmations, destroy self esteem.

UNFAVORABLE COMPARISON:
“Jan’s a rich, bright, admired lawyer. I’m just a housewife.” Your self-talk constantly feeds you with false comparatives like a sponge soaking up confirmations of low self esteem. You torpedo your self worth by aiming it comparatively at the success of others.

CATASTROPHIZING:
“I couldn’t stand it if he were to leave me” or “Without this job, well…what would I do?” Our self talk can create horrible circumstance in the blink of a thought and subvert our sense of self control. Our mind’s favorite question is “What if…” then it creates the stories.

PERSONALIZING:
“It’s my fault” or “What’s wrong with me. Why can’t I do this?” Your ego is self talking all the time, assuming so much of what is right or wrong belongs to you, is dependent upon you. You are the reason your immediate world operates the way it does.

BLAMING:
Blaming is the opposite of personalizing. Whereas personalizing puts all the responsibility on yourself for your difficulties, blaming puts it all on something outside yourself. “I failed because of my crummy childhood.” Much like Catastrophizing, we think of ourselves as helpless victims unable to cope and powerless to change. “I wouldn’t be anything if it were not for you.”

MAKING FEELINGS FACTS:
We easily convert feelings of inadequacy into irrefutable facts. “I feel worthless” becomes I am worthless. But feelings result from thoughts, not the other way around. Your reality results from your beliefs. Facts are immutable; You are infinitely fluid, a changeling, a step away from improving your self esteem.

“All of us are equally endowed with potential. The extent to which we tap in and exploit our unique potential is determined exclusively by our self-talk, our individual ‘conversations’ with ourselves. These messages are the most powerful force we have at our disposal in the creation of self esteem and, therefore, success.”
Lee Pulos, Ph.D. – Wealth and Wisdom 2004.